Spontaneity is the gold standard.
But being funny, articulate, and thoughtful in the moment is out of reach for most of us.
I didn’t prepare for my first podcast interview, and the host didn’t send questions. I was terrible. I don’t even know if the podcast ever went live. I was too embarrassed to ask.
I tricked myself into thinking preparation was for beginners. And since I wasn’t a beginner, I didn’t need to prepare. Now I know, experts prepare, experts practice, experts know what they are going to say and how they are going to say it.
If you get really good at preparing, THEN you can be (or at least seem to be) spontaneous.
I recently watched Look at You, Taylor Tomlinson’s Netflix special. It’s funny and dark. I laughed a lot. But every word, every facial expression, every step across the stage was planned and practiced. Her control and artistry was magnificent.
We may never be stand up comedians, but we can use what they teach us to make our formal and informal speaking feel more natural and yes, more spontaneous. Here are a few things I’ve observed:
Know your core story and tell it well. If you had to tell one story to communicate who you are, what would it be? Write it down and then read it aloud. Can you tell that story in one minute? If not, be ruthless. Cut down the written version and read it aloud again. Keep going until it’s as distilled as it can be. (If you’re feeling really brave, record yourself and watch it back!)
Stop saying um and like. Your grandmother was right. Take a deep breath before you start to speak, slow down, and pause. Filler words give people time to collect their thoughts, but there are other ways to let your brain catch up to your mouth.
Ask for (or provide) questions (or topics) ahead of time. I don’t mean planning 99% of a conversation. I just mean asking for or giving someone three questions or topics, so they can be their funniest and most prepared. If you ask for questions or topics ahead of time and someone says, “oh, let’s just be spontaneous,” you can write your own questions and prepare that way.
Pay attention to “shoved facts.” It’s okay to go off script. Leave plenty of time for it, in fact! Shoved facts are the tiny details that someone includes in their speech that signal what they’re really interested in talking about. You can sometimes even hear or read them in the first version of your own work. When you revise or when someone finishes answering a question you’ve asked, go back to the shoved fact and use it as a chance to dig deep.
Plan moments of delight. The most important part of humor is surprise. Delight works the same way. It’s okay to plan to do something that seems spontaneous even though you’ve practiced it. Talking about a song you love? Pretend that it’s just occurred to you to sing it and go ahead. Mention a poem in the conversation? Pull it out beforehand and recite a few lines “off the top of your head.” Have a few of these moments prepared and your listeners will go anywhere you want with you.
So now you know how I prepare for any podcast, recorded conversation, webinar, course, any time I need to speak in public about my ideas and who I am. Maybe some day I won’t have to, but that’s still a long way off.
Any other tips to add?